1 00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:07,632 -Just hand it to me. . . -Happy birthday, best friend. lt's a pitcher. 2 00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:08,841 Thank you, man ! 3 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:13,388 He tries to do the same joke every year. 4 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,473 Except last year he did it with a bottle of Jack. 5 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,517 -He was so drunk. -l hope you like it. 6 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:18,601 Really? 7 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,311 Compliments of the young lady at the end of the bar. 8 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:29,237 -Yo, did she just give you $1 00? -For your birthday? Bitch ! 9 00:00:29,321 --> 00:00:30,488 Thank you ! 10 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:31,698 (MOUTHlNG) 11 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:34,075 -Here you go, guys. -No, no, l'm not drinking tonight. 12 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,494 -l'm not trying to puke today. -Your loss, buddy. 13 00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:40,498 Yeah, Shilo did enough puking on Saturday. 14 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,792 Twenty-four touches for 29 yards. 15 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,753 -How's that for a highlight reel? -SportsCenter! 16 00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:48,506 -Shut up, Larry. -Yeah. And, Thad, you played bad, too. 17 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,675 The whole team played bad. You can't pin that loss on me. 18 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,552 Shut up, Craig ! 19 00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:54,595 (LAUGHlNG) 20 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,390 You tell my friend to shut up, l tell yours. 21 00:00:57,474 --> 00:01:00,893 -Those dudes are dicks, right? -SAMMY: Yeah, exactly. 22 00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:05,606 $1 00 not enough? You have more expensive tastes? 23 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:10,194 -Why. . . Why are you giving me money? -l'm buying you for the night. 24 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,156 Okay. 25 00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,742 Where are you taking me? 26 00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:19,662 (LAUGHlNG UNCOMFORTABLY) No, l can't drive. . . 27 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,666 Oh. . . Slow. 28 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:28,504 l can't drive that car slow. l love my life. 29 00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:42,351 Oh ! What is the record for the most illegal things done at one time? 30 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,437 We are breaking it tonight. 31 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:47,148 Oh, it's fantastic. Why are we doing this again? 32 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,233 Because l hate my father. 33 00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:51,861 Oh, l hate him ! Oh, l hate him, too. 34 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:25,686 That practice was horseshit. Curfew. 35 00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:29,982 We haven't had a curfew for this team in 1 0 years. 36 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:33,402 You guys want to relive your senior prom every night, 37 00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,822 you do it for somebody else. 38 00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,698 Because if you want to play football for me, 39 00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:40,785 you'd better show up on time and ready to play. 40 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,411 So was she a hooker? 41 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:45,331 No, no, she wasn't a hooker. She paid me to blow me 42 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,583 -while driving her Lamborghini. -What? 43 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,836 l'm not exaggerating. lt was the best night of my life. 44 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,505 -Oh, did you get her number? -No. 45 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,341 No, she said she'd find me if she ever needed to. 46 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:58,344 All l did was dry-hump Denise. Again. 47 00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:01,514 . . .so you'll be in bed at 9:00 pm every night, rubbing one out. 48 00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,143 Curfew's fine with me. 49 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:09,105 l won't need to leave the house to get laid. 50 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:11,941 What the hell is that, Thad? 51 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,611 lt's a pocket pussy. 52 00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:20,366 -Oh, that's cute. -Oh, ears perking up now. 53 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,494 Yeah, l have a pocket pussy. 54 00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:27,039 And banging this thing is like banging a sunset over the ocean. 55 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,916 (lN JAMAlCAN ACCENT) Welcome to Jamaica, man ! 56 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,626 Have a nice day. 57 00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,046 Well, l just got a blowjob from a Persian girl last night. 58 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,798 l don't know if you know what that's like. 59 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,301 But it's probably better than banging a piece of plastic. 60 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,261 Uh, and smoking fake weed. 61 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:41,971 Piece of plastic? 62 00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:44,724 This thing came from Bosnia, son ! 63 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:48,102 You ever been to Bosnia? You ever been in the shit? 64 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,563 Well, my dad was, 65 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:53,649 and he left me this pocket pussy. 66 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:58,821 And every time l sink my humongous dick in this piece of plastic, 67 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,824 l remember my dad. 68 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,286 So watch your mouth, frosh. 69 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,541 (CRAlG MOANlNG) 70 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,762 (ALARM BEEPlNG) 71 00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,056 Uh, okay. Time's up. 72 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:30,436 -Ooh, one more minute. -No! Craig, focus on the game. 73 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,688 Get your mind off of sex. Jeez! 74 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,815 Twenty-nine yards in 24 touches? 75 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,777 Babe, the Heisman's not just gonna show up on our doorstep. 76 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,236 Yeah, well, 77 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,448 maybe if l had a little incentive this week. 78 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,034 -Like what? -Like sex. 79 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:49,121 You know, if l rush for more than 1 00 yards, we have to do it. 80 00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:52,708 Oh, my God, you think l would give up my virginity for 1 00 yards 81 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,460 on a football field? 82 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,545 Baby, why would you say something like that? 83 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,632 l'm sorry, baby. l don't know what the hell l was thinking. 84 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:04,136 Make it 225 and three scores and l'll rock your world. 85 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,180 Ah, baby! 86 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,018 SAMMY: Okay. Let's think outside the box here. 87 00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,854 What is the best birthday present l've ever given you? 88 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,815 l don't know the best birthday present. 89 00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,150 The worst birthday present was that you gave me that dead hamster. 90 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:21,153 Alex, look at me. That hamster deserved to die. 91 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,656 Everybody goes home! Get off my porch. 92 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:28,119 Get off my porch ! 1 5 minutes. Let's go. Curfew, curfew! 93 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,580 You, hot ladies, too. Going home. Get the frick out of here. 94 00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:36,043 -ALEX: Whoa. -What the hell's going on here? 95 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,713 Holy shit. 96 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:40,715 (PANTlNG) Holy shit. 97 00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:46,804 Holy shit. 98 00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,932 Who's up? You. 99 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,520 -Up for what? -DONNlE: Thad's pocket pussy. 100 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,023 -We stole it out of his room. -lt's like banging a waterfall. 101 00:05:57,107 --> 00:06:00,401 -l'm not so up for waterfalls, guys. -l am. 102 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,194 Everybody get out! 103 00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:05,781 Party's over, get out! Curfew, 1 5 minutes! 104 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,450 Let's go, let's go! 105 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:12,038 -Can you believe this guy? -Get out of my casa, a-wipe! 106 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:13,998 Get out! 107 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,083 What? 108 00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:18,586 He's really gonna hate that you're doing this, right? 109 00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,171 Yeah, and l'm gonna love it. 110 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,757 SAMMY: Yes. Oh, yes! 111 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:25,259 Yes, yes, yes. 112 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,761 Oh, my God ! 113 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,765 l'm the best! 114 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,059 Dude, you have to try this. 115 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:36,729 No way, no thanks. l'm good. l'm gonna wait for $1 00 and a blowjob. 116 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:40,524 -That girl is not coming, dude. She used you. -Well, l want her to use me again. 117 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:43,861 Well, l'm gonna leave this pocket pussy right here, 118 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,905 in case you change your mind. 119 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,990 Which you should. 120 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:49,658 (GROANlNG) 121 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:50,993 l pulled a hammie in there. 122 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:52,661 Jeez. 123 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,663 lt was worth it though. 124 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,140 -Hold on ! -You go. 125 00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:14,725 l'm not leaving you behind. 126 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:19,355 l want you to take this and give it to my son. 127 00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,357 Stop talking like that. 128 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,942 Listen to me. 129 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,402 lt's my lucky charm. 130 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,363 Whenever Iife has him down 131 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:31,075 and he needs a boost or just a little good luck, 132 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:33,869 he'll take that out of the box and have sex with it. 133 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,955 What's your son's name? 134 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,706 His name's Thad. 135 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,334 Father! (PANTlNG) 136 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:57,601 No! 137 00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:02,898 ALEX: Syphilis, huh? l should have seen that coming. 138 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,608 SAMMY: Any time 45 guys pass around a sex toy, 139 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,569 something like this is bound to pop up. You know what l mean? 140 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,821 ALEX: lt was totally worth it though. SAMMY: Definitely. 141 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:12,158 Banging this pocket pussy is like banging a girl made of slippery gold. 142 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,450 lt haunts me. 143 00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,411 l don't know where you get your analogies from, 144 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,829 but that was spot on. 145 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,248 Thanks. lf you blindfolded me 146 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,750 and gave me a Pepsi challenge between the hottest girl in the world 147 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,336 and the pocket pussy, l'd choose the pocket pussy every time. 148 00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:27,506 -Hands down, dude. Hands down. -Holy shit, Sammy. 149 00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:29,508 That's the girl. 150 00:08:29,593 --> 00:08:31,427 SAMMY: She'd work. Set up a booth. 151 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:35,806 Um, hey, are you looking for a driver tonight? 152 00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:38,184 You and your diseased cock stay away from me. 153 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,186 How did you know that? 154 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:43,856 Everybody knows. lt was on the front page of the paper. 155 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,775 You football players started an epidemic! 156 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:48,861 No, you're totally right! 157 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,696 How about Wednesday when l'm all cleared up? 158 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,948 Never speak to me again. 159 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,118 Hold on. l think you're misunderstanding the situation. 160 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,704 Alex didn't get syphilis from having sex with a girl. 161 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,956 He got it from having sex with a pocket pussy. 162 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,124 We all did. 163 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:05,794 -Come near me again, l'll call the police! -Oh, l'm scared ! 164 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,379 ALEX: There goes my dream girl. 165 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:11,425 She will pay you to blow you again. You can bet your birthday present on it. 166 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,345 COACH JON JON: Antibiotics. Take twice daily. 167 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,972 Antibiotics. Take twice daily. 168 00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,975 What, are they all banging each other? 169 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:24,104 lt happened in '95. lt's a beautiful word, syphilis. 170 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,815 Just rolls off the tongue. 171 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,067 Syphilis. 172 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:30,277 PLAYER: Blue 38, blue 38! 173 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,445 Hut! 174 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,088 Damn it! l've never been caught from behind before. 175 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:52,549 -l can't afford to play like this on Saturday. -l don't know. You're running around like 176 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,635 you've got 1 0-pound balls in your pants. You need to get laid. 177 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,096 Yeah, well, all that's going to take care of itself on Saturday. 178 00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:01,308 Denise says as long as l have a good game, she's gonna have sex with me on Saturday. 179 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:02,935 (LAUGHlNG) 180 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:07,147 -That's a real catch-22 you've got there. -What are you talking about? 181 00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:09,775 Denise says that she'll have sex with you if you have a good game, 182 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,860 l'm telling you you're not going to have a good game 183 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,779 unless Denise has sex with you first. 184 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,615 You need to get rid of that dead weight, man. 185 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,284 -You know what you need? -What? 186 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,868 Thad's pocket pussy. 187 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,289 -PLAYER 1 : Yeah. -l'm all set with the syphilis, dog. 188 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,958 Dude, syphilis is nothing. Sammy's had it three times already. 189 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,168 He said this was the only time that it was actually worth it. 190 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,713 lt's like doing a silk bag full of puppy ears. 191 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,840 Good call. 192 00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:35,259 How the hell would you even know what that felt like? 193 00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:38,512 -Ah, watch blue! -PLAYER 2: Blue 38! 194 00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:39,888 Set, hut! 195 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,312 What the hell was that? 196 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:49,815 Get up. 197 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:54,153 Look, you've got to break down and you've got to make that tackle, son. 198 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,572 You embarrass yourself, you're embarrassing me. 199 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,491 l gave you guys a curfew to avoid this shit, 200 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,578 and then you come back and you play like this? 201 00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:08,584 You're my captain. l want this fixed. l want it fixed now. 202 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,261 (SCREAMlNG) Who has my pocket pussy? 203 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:25,309 l have stuck my dick and sometimes my balls in that stupid thing 204 00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,895 before every game since l was 1 0. 205 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,105 l can't play without it! 206 00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,107 (LAUGHlNG) 207 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,651 (CRYlNG) You don't mess with a man's rituals. 208 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:38,447 You don't mess with the things that get him through the day. 209 00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:44,286 (ALL LAUGHlNG) 210 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,165 All right, joke's over. 211 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:51,001 We need him for the game on Saturday. Time to give it back. 212 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:52,544 All right, who's got it? 213 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,630 -Donnie? -l gave it to Box. 214 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,424 -l gave it to Walters. -l gave it to Donnie. 215 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:01,136 Yeah. . . l've got it. 216 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,807 -Donnie. -l'll give it back to Thad, but in the morning. 217 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,018 l just need one more night with it, please? 218 00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:10,187 Yeah. 219 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,816 But it's only fair if you get one more night with it, l do, too. 220 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,401 -Me, too! -Me, too! 221 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,486 All right, fair enough. Anybody else? 222 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,447 (ALL EXCLAlMlNG) 223 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,574 -All right, Craig? -l'm all set. 224 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,118 lt's settled then. 225 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,412 Everybody gets one more night with the pocket pussy, 226 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,206 then we give it back to Thad in the morning, okay? 227 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,583 -All right, bring it in. -Ready? 228 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,712 -One, two, three. -ALL: Pocket pussy! 229 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,596 (WHOOPlNG) 230 00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,737 Baby, l was thinking, 231 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:03,740 maybe we need to have that sex before the game tomorrow. 232 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:05,534 Why would we do that? 233 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:09,872 Because if we have the sex tonight, l'll be a lot lighter on my feet for the game. 234 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,874 Craig, we had an agreement. 235 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:15,544 And l'm not the type of person to go back on my word. Now are you? 236 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,005 No, baby. 237 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:22,176 -225 yards it is. -And three TDs. 238 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,887 And three TDs. 239 00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:33,562 -You have my pocket pussy, Moran. -What? 240 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,649 l saw you sneak a paper bag into your room tonight. 241 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:41,153 -l. . . l can explain that. -There's nothing to explain ! 242 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:47,284 Give me back my pocket pussy and l'll let you live. 243 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,411 Yeah. Yeah, okay. 244 00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,413 Yeah, can l. . . 245 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,503 Look, dude, we were going to give it back to you before tomorrow's game. 246 00:13:57,587 --> 00:14:00,714 And you're right, man, that thing is like banging a chocolate souffle. 247 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:03,050 Tell me something l don't know. 248 00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:04,676 Dude, it's gone. 249 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:07,638 lt's gone. l. . . l swear it was in here. 250 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,264 (GRUNTlNG) 251 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,851 lf l don't have that pocket pussy in my locker 252 00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:15,354 first thing tomorrow morning, 253 00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:19,274 l'm going to take out all of my sexual frustrations on you. 254 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,485 Yep. 255 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,612 Wait, l. . . 256 00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:26,281 You know what l meant by that. 257 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,621 (DOOR CREAKlNG) 258 00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,481 (CELL PHONE RlNGlNG) 259 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,698 -Kind of busy, man. -Sammy, where is the pocket pussy? 260 00:15:07,782 --> 00:15:10,450 l can't tell you. lt's a surprise. 261 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:13,370 Oh, okay, well, l need you to put it in Thad's locker 262 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:16,164 -for the morning, okay? Can you do that? -Consider it done. 263 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:21,128 (GlGGLlNG) 264 00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:25,424 (WHlSTLlNG) 265 00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:30,137 l warned you, moron. Time to pay the piper. 266 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,934 (CELL PHONE RlNGlNG) 267 00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:49,031 SAMMY: Man, syphilis is a tough one, huh? 268 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:53,285 -How do you know l have syphilis? -Eh, just a hunch. 269 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:57,539 You know, when my friend Alex had syphilis, 270 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,791 you weren't as nice to him as you could have been. 271 00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,627 Hmm. l guess. 272 00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:05,047 Yeah, his case was front-page news. 273 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,634 Ah, it'd just be such a shame if the same thing happened to you. 274 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,594 Are you threatening me? 275 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,889 l don't know. Am l? 276 00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,183 (CELL PHONE RlNGlNG) 277 00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:19,436 Excuse me. Speak of the devil. 278 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,439 -Hello, Alex. -Where is the pocket pussy, Sammy? 279 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,066 l told you not to screw this up. 280 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,443 Dude, l put it back in Thad's locker last night like you told me to. 281 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:29,237 -Well, it's not here! -Well, then someone must have stolen it. 282 00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,407 I don't have time for this. l've gotta go, man. All right. 283 00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,786 Now, where were we? 284 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,287 Oh, that's right! 285 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:39,581 Syphilis. 286 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,421 Craig? 287 00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:49,132 Craig, babe. 288 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:53,345 You've got a game in one hour. Why aren't you on the field? 289 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,055 (DENlSE EXCLAlMS) 290 00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:01,770 Craig, l'm gonna ask you this one time and one time only. 291 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,731 ls that a pocket pussy behind your back? 292 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:07,651 No. 293 00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:10,779 Craig. 294 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:13,615 (SlGHlNG) 295 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,242 (GASPS) 296 00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,162 A white pocket pussy, Craig? 297 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:24,376 -Really? A white pocket pussy? -Baby, l can explain. 298 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:27,921 When the actions of one man jeopardize the fortunes of another man, 299 00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:31,133 who happens to be captain of the football team, 300 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:35,345 that captain has the inalienable right to defend himself. 301 00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:40,809 -Thomas Jefferson said that. -That's cool. l love Thomas Jefferson. 302 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,061 Why am l the only one sitting in this chair taped up? 303 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,856 Everybody on this team has had a turn with that pocket pussy. 304 00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:49,234 He's right. We're all to blame. lt's not fair to single him out. 305 00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,611 Thank you. You're a stand-up guy. What the hell are you doing? 306 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,031 Whoa, those are my. . . 307 00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:58,994 He's tying one end of the string snugly around your balls. 308 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,997 -Why? -l'm tying the other end of the string 309 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:05,083 -snugly around this doorknob. -Tijuana tooth-pull. 310 00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:06,752 Don't do. . . l'll get you another one. 311 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,086 -l'll get you. . . -There is no other one! 312 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,088 Please. 313 00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:12,674 You took something special my dad gave me. 314 00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:16,595 Now l'm going to take something special your dad gave you. 315 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:21,892 You have three seconds to give me my pocket pussy. 316 00:18:22,477 --> 00:18:24,060 l don't have it. 317 00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,688 One. . . 318 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,607 -Thad, l don't have it, please. -Two. . . 319 00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:30,358 -Thad, please! -You don't have to do this. 320 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,486 l don't have it. Thad, l don't have it. l do not have it. 321 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,654 -Please don't. . . Son of a. . . -Three. 322 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,865 Shut the hell up! Where's Thad? 323 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:40,660 l'm Thad. You ruined my Tijuana tooth-pull. 324 00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:43,371 l don't give a shit what l ruined. 325 00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:46,708 You keep your disgusting sex toys away from my man. 326 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,376 He is valuable. 327 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:52,255 l mean, l love him. Craig, come on, babe. 328 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,135 l'm sorry for stealing your pocket pussy, Thad. 329 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,845 And? 330 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:04,017 And l'm firmly committed to my girlfriend 331 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,561 and the black community as a whole. 332 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:21,243 Oksana! You've come back to me! 333 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,328 -Oksana? -Yeah ! 334 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,372 Can someone please take this string off my balls? 335 00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,624 -Please, you ! -l know it was you. 336 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:30,126 -What? -Who made Craig stray away from me. 337 00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:33,797 -He wouldn't admit it, but l know it was you. -What are you. . . Wait! 338 00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:36,383 Craig, please tell her not. . . Don't shut that door! 339 00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:37,926 Do not shut the door! 340 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,636 (ALL EXCLAlMlNG) 341 00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:43,723 -(VERY SOFTLY) My balls. -Yes, yes, yes. 342 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,687 l love you, Dad. l love you, Dad ! 343 00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:50,689 You're my hero. 344 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:57,070 (SAMMY SlNGlNG HAPPY BlRTHDAY) 345 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,287 (WHOOPlNG) 346 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,417 Go ahead, say something to him. 347 00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:13,712 Alex, l'm very sorry for the way l treated you at the quad 348 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:16,715 -after l found out you had syphilis. -And. . . 349 00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:21,511 l'd like to take you out again tonight in my dad's Lamborghini. 350 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:27,434 Yeah, let's go talk about how much you hate your father. 351 00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:35,108 Hold this for one second. Yo, hold up. You're gonna need this. 352 00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:37,444 -She's got syphilis now. -What? 353 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,363 -Yep. -(LAUGHS) Well done. 354 00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:43,658 -Thanks, buddy. -That's why you're my best friend.